for you to hear: April 2005

Monday, April 25, 2005

Happy Monday

It is the best feeling in the world to fall asleep with a prayer on your heart and wake up in the morning with a song!

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Crazy/Stupid/Blissfully Restful

I went to bed last night, but I was coughing and I was all stuffy and sick...blah...so I just tried to think restful thoughts and go to sleep but it just wasn't working. So after a couple of hours of hacking and sneezing and tossing and turning I decide that the only option is to get some cold medicine into my body. Great idea! But all we have is nyquil..."oh, well." I think to myself, "sure it will knock me out but I have a couple of hours to sleep before I need to go and be a 'welcome person' at church." So I take the meds and instantly feel much better...and very sleepy (that stuff puts me to sleep instantly) I have a very low tolerance for drugs of any kind. :)

As I am crawling back into bed I notice that it is 6:45 and I think, "That can't be right! I went to bed at like 1:30 or 2 at the latest." I check several different clocks to confirm. 5 min latter my alarm is going off and I am sound asleep. I turn it off and slept until 12:30.

I totally skipped church....I don't think that I have ever done that before. But I woke up feeling a million times better and blissfully rested up. So I guess that it was the perfect way to spend my Sunday, although I am not planning on making a habit out of it. ;)

Friday, April 22, 2005

Sterling

Sterling sent me a letter informing me, quite graciously, that they didn't want me. Surprisingly, I am quite ok with that. It's kind of odd. That was the position that I really wanted and I was cut out in round one....It feels like it should hurt more. But I am pleasantly quite at peace with it all.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Rapid Fire Interview

It was short. But good, I think. They were still in the process of weeding out candidates. I was one of 16. But I feel really good about it. Back to the waiting.

I have really started to enjoy this though, as crazy as that sounds. It's adventurous. I mean in 7 weeks my lease runs out and I have no idea where I am going to live. In 5 weeks I have no job. But it's spring...how can you not love it? Twelve weeks of bliss follow this waiting. I don't have the answers and for the first time in forever I am ok with that.

Working on my portfolio and preparing for interviews has reminded me of why I went into teaching. It has reminded me of what I truly love about my work. It has challenged me to chase some big dreams and it has given me a new resolve. I am excited, not just about what is to come but about the fact that I have five more weeks with these students, parents, and administrators. Five weeks to show them who I am, what I can do, and the heart behind it all.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Balance

You know what I love about spring and summer?

I love the fact that my "love for sleep" and my "love for being awake" balance each other out. By that I mean that when it is time to go to bed I think, "Yes! Sleep! I love sleep!" and I can hardly wait to climb into bed and I excitedly close my eyes and dream, dream, dream, dream, dream. Then in the morning, I wake up with a smile (very rarely does this happen in the winter months) and I can't wait to stretch and I listen for the song birds, thinking, "It's a beautiful morning and I love living it."

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Impact

It was just an instant.

I was following the truck too closely. I was in a hurry: "Sunday driving" is for speed not for pleasure. I inched over the center line to see if passing this dawdler was feasible. Nope. Oncoming traffic was in abundance. I sighed, rolled down my window and turned up the radio. I adjusted the rearview mirror. I studied my reflection for a minute. Could those tired eyes be mine? They looked too old. A harsh glare stung my eyes. I squinted, averting my eyes from the mirror, for an instant.

I heard, through my open window the unmistakable squeal of brakes.
I could smell burning rubber as tires skidded across the burning asphalt.
I took in everything in slow motion: methodically recording each sound, smell, sight, without the slightest emotion. I was a numb observer as I watched the truck in front of me hit a car attempting to pass in a no-passing zone: head on. A second car joined the collision sending the truck airborne flipping back towards my windshield. Out of control. Data entry. Without feeling. I was unable to move.

I closed my eyes comforted by the fact that I was ready to die. I waited for the impact as this dream ended a new one began. It was just and instant, a flicker.

I was waiting on the porch of the house that we moved from when I was three. Waiting for Daddy to get home from work.

I was afraid of the face on the grandfather clock that belonged to my dollhouse. I would throw it into the closet, turn the key and run down to my mother.

I rode my red tricycle down the driveway with my Cabbage Patch Kid secured to the handle bars with hair-ribbons.

The neighbor boy, Tent, threw sand in my eyes. I never forgave him.

I found a robbin's nest in the lattice work of our patio. The eggs were perfect, soft blue.

At Halloween the costumes scared me and I cried myself to sleep.

The movers packed all of our boxes and I thought that the Smurfs died inside the TV.

We found a Strawberry Shortcake glass in the new house. I took it as a sign that this was a good move.

I got my first bike: purple, with a kick stand and pom poms.

I could hear the crackle of fire. I continued recording my phonics lesson. The grease fire that had started under my nose destroyed our home. For years the sound of boiling liquids (especially if it started to boil over) would send me into a fit of hysterics. We dug through the ashes there was little worth saving.

We tried to wash the smoke from our clothes, our stuffed animals suddenly all had matted hair and soot stains. People showed up on our doorstep for months with bags of groceries. We had to eat foods we didn't like. My mom cried a lot.

We slid down Gramma's stairs on mattresses while she was at work.

Mom would sing me to sleep. "As the deer panteth for the waters so my soul longeth after you."

Uncle Sid gave me Minnie Mouse. She wore blue.

We flew kites, the big one got away. Dad and Uncle Dick chased it for miles. Ever since that we have to tie kite strings to our belt loops.

We rode the motorcycles in summer and the snowmobiles in the winter.

We would sled down the front hill. I cried whenever snow touched my skin on the inside of my wrist because it "hurt." I built snow castles. We made a video to sent to Grandma and Grandpa in Florida while the baby cried at the top of the stairs.

Grandpa put on rollerskates to teach me. He fell at the bottom of the driveway and Grandma get really mad.

We met dad at the park for lunch. He pushed us on the swings and talked to us about lawn mowers.

I went camping with my Grandparents. They bought a bike to take on camping trips. I totally wiped out on gravel and I skidded up my neck, chin, elbows, palms of my hands, knees, and most painfully my stomach. Grandpa carried my sobbing body to the camper where gravel and glass were picked out of my skin for days.

We made cleaning videos for while our parents were out.

I heard my brother call KFC "Chicken Hut."

Scotty was toddling down the driveway and he fell and broke his one and only tooth out of his mouth. He had to wear this retainer/spacer thing. He hated it. He would always try to get rid of it. At Christmas he even put it down grandma's garbage disposal.

When Simon was born three days before the mother/daughter banquet we dressed him up as a little girl so that he could come with us. That really confused a lot of people in our church for quite some time.

I came back from camp. When they asked me how it was I said, "God and I are like this," and crossed my fingers to indicate that we were the best of friends.

Every Sunday after church Abby and I would declare that we were "sticky-glued" and couldn't be separated so our parents had to decide who was taking the both of us home for the afternoon.

My dad tossed me into the air and it scared me to death. Uncle Steve thought it was funny. Dad said, "she'll get used to it."

Dad would tickle us till we screamed and then give us horse back rides. We were too impatient to wait our turn so he gave all three of us rides at the same time.

We used to light candles, listen to the Bubble Music on the record player, and make shadow animals.

As a family tradition as soon as the movie ended everyone dances during the credits, always!

Skyler still leaves the room anytime he thinks that the characters are about to do something embarrassing in a movie.

I call shows movies.

I say cement (sa-ment).

My family calls me Fisha.

I used to deliver papers to the "interesting lady."

We build giant sand castles on the beach.

Easter Egg hunts are competitive to the point of scrapped knees.

Each memory captured in an instant, remembered in a moment. My life flashed before my eyes. I smiled. It was a good life. The impact was certain. Death is inevitable. Today or tomorrow. But I have been blessed. These tired eyes have smiled and cried. I have lived and died. I have laughed. I have been blessed.

What would you see?

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Worth the Skirt

I went shopping today and found a skirt that was just amazingly perfect. I really wanted it. It was the perfect color, the perfect fit, the perfect feel, the perfect twirl. It was made for a princess. But I would need access to a royal treasury to afford it.

At that moment I remembered a previous dressing room experience where I overheard the following conversation thanks to "walkie-talkie" features on cell phones....
The woman in the room next to me makes a call to her husband/boyfriend/whatever.

man on phone: hey, honey! Where are you?
woman: hi, I'm at the mall. Listen, I just wanted to know if I could buy this outfit, its gorgeous and I could wear it to your cousin's wedding.
man: How much is it?
woman: $70
man: Is it worth that much?
woman: probably not
man: do you like it?
woman: oh, I love it, it's perfect.
man: well if you want it, get it. You're worth it.
woman: *laughs* thanks, I love you!
man: I love you too.

I left it in the store wondering...

Was the skirt worth the $70? Was I worth the skirt?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Pain

I have a friend named Kate she deals with chronic pain on a daily basis (I know, I know, that is the understatement of the week!)and today she is my hero.

Today I was in so much pain that my arms and legs would not stop shaking. Pain meds didn't touch it. All day I was on the verge of tears: swallowing back sobs. My throat and chest ache from holding it in. My eyes are swollen. I have totally binged on acetaminophen with no noticeable relief. This is the one day that I feel like I could say to Kate, "I know what you mean." But I don't because her pain is everyday and mine is just for a moment.

Katy you are a miracle.

Firsts

I am twenty-four years old. In that time how many thousands of smiles have been aimed at me? So why did this one feel like the first?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Nicor Bouquet

I saw a small toddler barely big enough to toddle carrying a huge yellow bouquet to his mother. He presented it to her with a huge smile. I laughed because this bouquet was comprised entirely of utility markers: little yellow flags carefully marking the gas lines. They had been so easily collected by tiny hands. A lot of work will need to be re-done because of that little guy. But his smile was worth it.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Interview

I am interviewing with Sterling April 19! I cannot wait! God is far too good to me.

Wicked

As I was leaving the school building for my one lunch break every other Wednesday (no... that is not funny!) I saw the parent who had a "meltdown" as I like to call it in my classroom a few weeks ago. I suddenly started humming..."If I Only had a Heart" from the Wizard of Oz. I found it odd that the song so quickly and firmly got itself stuck in my head. On the heels of the song I had a sudden epiphany. I have always fancied myself the Alice-in-Wonderland or Dorothy-of-Oz-type...I think I was born singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," wishing on stars, and dreaming of other worlds. And now I saw so very plainly the striking resemblance of this parent to the Wicked Witch of the West. I snickered slightly to myself and wickedly stole a glance over my shoulder at her. To my utter horror my glance revealed the accuracy of my epiphany and took it a step further. I tell you that her laugh resembles the exact cackle that haunts innocent dreamers in their darkest of nightmares. So beware. These wicked thoughts are tempting.

.

But as amusing as I found this comparison I decidedly banished the thought from my head. There is no way that I can be an effective communicator with this woman, let alone a Godly example to her child, if I am to view her as anything but a child made in the image of God. As I climbed into my car I bowed my head to pray for forgiveness. I still giggle at the thought of it. But maybe that is what God wanted in the first place, I needed a reason to smile at her. Now I have one, born out of my own silliness, and not feelings of anger or frustration. Now it is simply an amusing memory and one that causes me to smile and nod and try my best to love her just as I am called to do...that is after all why I am here. So now I can whistle to the tune of "Ding-Dong! The Witch is Dead!" because to me she is no longer a witch, I guess I got that heart that I was wishing for.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

New Home Owner

Today I met a house that is perfect for camping out in. My friend is now officially a new-home-owner. Congratulations! Actually the home is not new, it was built cerca 1929 (allegedly). And he, is not new either, he is getting kinda old :P but the title of "owner" is the new part.

If you go there be sure to check out his blue pencil sharpener, then ask him about the timer in the basement, and be sure to tell him that he needs to get rid of that chimney asap before he thinks that he should put it to "good" use.

While you are bugging him you might want to remind him that he has a blog that he neglects. I sure hope that his thoughtless disregard of his blog doesn't carry over into his ability to care for his "new" house, otherwise the neighborhood is about to depreciate greatly. Warn the mayor.

Honestly, it's a great house. I hope that he took Mike's advice and moved his mattress over there. Tonight is the perfect night to "camp out" in a house that you just purchased this afternoon. I know these things. The first time that I bought property I "camped out" all summer. Plus it's kind of interesting living in an empty house. Try it sometime. Try it this week. I have a friend who has a big empty house, that is perfect for camping out in.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Contracts

God be praised! Contracts were handed out today. And I got one! I am not entirely sure why this is a good thing, since I am not thinking that I want to be there next year. I think that maybe it has something to do with the fact that I just like to be reassured that somebody is going to want me. ;)

Friday, April 01, 2005

I am the Hamster Hunter

All was well and good in fifth grade. Students were working on their math test and I was catching up on some long over due grading. I glance up to see one of my students getting out of his seat. I clear my throat to get his attention...to no avail. He is walking towards the back of the room. "Perhaps he needs to sharpen his pencil," I rationalized. Nope. He walks right past the pencil sharpener and kneels down to look under a book shelf. My brow furrows in suspition and curiosity. I have seen kids do some pretty odd things, especially when they should be working on their math, but this went beyond odd.

I cross the room to stand beside him. He doesn't even look up. "What are you doing out of your seat?"

"I thought I should catch the hamster for you before he gets lost."

I spin on my heel to check the cages. One. Two. Both of the gerbils are accounted for.

"There is not a hamster under that thing, now get up and finish your math test."

"I saw it."

Pointing in the direction of the cages I state, "Both gerbils are there."

"Well, I don't think that its yours 'cause you have the lids on their cages but Mrs. K. doesn't and hers get out all the time."

At this point I remember the escaped hamster story. I also remember the sweet hand drawn missing posters that had been put up by Mrs. K's first graders. I also remembered the office staff finding a very dead and very smelly hamster behind the lockers. It was a mess.

"No, they found the first graders' hamster, go finish your test."

"Well, she must have gotten out again."

"I don't think so"

Then from multiple simultaneous voices I hear, "I see it!"

I look down just in time to see a hamster retreat back underneath the shelf. Instantly everyone is up and "helping." I send them all back to their desks and start moving bookshelves, reading pillows, chairs, it took me about two minutes to get my hands on her.

She was much easier to catch than my gerbils are because she is so much bigger. I was holding on to her while my reluctant-test-taker was opening up the rodent ball so that she could be easily transported back to her home when the hamster screamed. Then I screamed. I kid you not, I was so shocked it was everything that I could do to keep from dropping it. "I didn't know hamsters did that! Did you?" I asked.

My only answer was a crowd of wide eyes and agape mouths.
Evidently not.
Once the rodent was safely in her ball, we all started to laugh.

"Miss Aurand, you jumped so high when it screamed."
"I thought you were going to throw it away."
"Your eyes got so big."
"What did you do to make it do that?"
"You screamed so loud, Mr. O. is going to come in here."
"That was the funniest thing ever!"
"I am so glad this happened to me."
"Miss Aurand, you were so brave to not let go, it could have chomped your hand like the gerbil did, and make you bleed."

We laughed hardest at the bravery comment. But let me tell you that none of them were volunteering to take the thing home. It is pretty funny how nicknames begin. They started calling me the Hamster Hunter. It makes me sound savage or just cruel. Poor defenseless hamsters. But let me tell you...if you had heard it scream, you might have agreed with this last comment.

"I am just glad you were here to save us!"

Me too, Austin, me too.

(This is true to the best of my knowledge and is not a part of any April Fools prank)

for you to hear