Living alone
I have recently mentioned to several people how much I am enjoying living alone for one of the very first times of my life...And people have responded pretty much the same way saying something about how I don't really like it, I'm just scared of getting involved in relationships that could have the potential to cause pain...or some other remark that I consider to be equally stupid. I do like living alone. You learn a lot about yourself when you don't have anyone else to consider. For example, I learned that I only like to watch movies after the sun sets. I like to bake chocolate chip cookies, even if they don't taste very good. I enjoy every room in the apartment being clean and organized except my bedroom, I have all the time in the world right now and I still have no intention of cleaning my room any time soon because I enjoy having a spot that does not have to be perfect. I don't have to be OCD about everything. I like to do a lot of little things that I always complain about when I am busy, and most of the time I am busy because of the people that are in my life, now that everybody has taken a step in a new direction I have the time to be me and I like that. I am not concerned with anyone else. You are all probably going to be really offended after reading this blog, and that is in no way my intent, I just meant to say that I do like where I am right now, whether you think that is in character for me or not. I like it a lot. Enough to want to do it for quite a while. I don't want to offend my friends, I just want you all to know that this is good for me. I would like to be able to express an opinion without people telling me that I am not really feeling that way...I know, I am being honest, even if it is not something that you would think or feel, don't worry, I am not hiding behind something, I am being true.Everyone seems to think that I have no direction in my life, and that is simply not true. I may not be able or willing to tell you exactly where I am headed but I have a pretty good idea, I just like to take it one step at a time, and I don't feel like sharing every thought that I am considering. I have a driving need to withhold information. I know, I know, I am the first one to accuse someone of lying for withholding but I need my secrets, I need them to retreat to. It is the way that I deal.
When I shared that I enjoy living alone I was not covering some deep hurt, or relationship-phobia. Actually the opposite is true, I was not withholding, I was sharing a deeper (darker?) side. The side that is not the popular social butterfly. The side that I have most recently become comfortable with.
posted by Trisha @ 12:20 AM
