If You Want to Marry Your Best Friend
Recently I was talking with a friend about the turmoil of dating. My advice was, and still is, that in order for dating to be less traumatic, one must date on a semi-regular basis. I was interrupted by my friend saying, "Trisha, it shouldn't be this hard, I don't want some ideal or perfection, *sigh* all I want is to marry my best friend." And for those of you who may feel the same way, I thought that maybe I should share the following phenomenal advice with you also.If you want to marry your best friend there is only one thing that you have to do. Develop meaningful friendships with people of the gender that you desire to marry. It is not that complicated.
Why is it that most people that I know have developed a keen sense of dating-phobia? People, it is not hard! But instead of strumming guitars in your lonely dorm rooms, go out! Hang out at public places where there is actually the potential to run into someone that you may or may not already know. Then, make yourself approachable. Don't hide behind books, newspapers, or magazines. Strike up conversations with people, "Would you recommend that CD/Artist/book/product/etc/etc/etc?" Talk to the people that serve you, this usually gets other people in line involved in a conversation. Smile: sincerely, honestly, frequently. Make eye contact. This is how you meet people.
Then be a friend. Listen when they talk. Share your interests with them. Experience their interests. Build experiences together. It doesn't have to be costly, time consuming, or impressive as long as you are both willing participants. For example I have bonded with some of my closest friend in some of the most bizarre situations...At baseball games, where I knew nothing about the team, nothing about the sport, in fact neither of us even watched the game, but we were both there and we clicked....Over the assembling of cheap Wal*Mart furniture, we couldn't read/follow the directions, but we managed to bond while holding pieces of fabricated plywood together....In the middle of a boycott camp in Georgia, where we were being eaten alive by mosquitoes, working hard building a house, on our spring break no less....On a factory line....In Menards...In hospital rooms in Florida...On airplanes to Kansas....In line to donate blood....Through letters....Through phone calls....Through time.
I'm not saying that it is easy to find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. But I am saying that if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't expect to recognize that person as "the ONE" the instant that you meet them. Especially if you are one of the many who insists that you want to marry your best friend....Then you have to have a best friend....You have to be a best friend...And the only way to develop those types of strong, lasting friendships is to get out of your drums, apartments, parents' houses, and be visible, be friendly, be warm, be active. And if you don't find the spouse of your dreams tomorrow, next week or next year...At least you will have built friendships that are worth savoring.
posted by Trisha @ 8:26 PM
