Love comes softly
I have had, conceivably, the worst day of my life. I wish that I could tell you all of the injustices, all of the hurts and pains...but it would cost me too much to do so. I had dared to become truly excited about this opportunity and about this experience. This disappointment of yesterday is nearly unspeakable.I have never felt so alone.
And it is not because I was not being supported...for there were a great many people who were eager to help and to encourage me. My parents, sister, fellow suburbanite friend, distanced sister, husband, you get the idea. They were all so excited with me and for me and I love them for it. But I felt alone because I really thought that God wanted me here in this position. And then as the day came, it was just like adding insult to injury...there was simply no end to the chaos. Chaos that was entirely out of my control. And that made me wonder where in the world is God in all of this. For crying in the mud, this is supposed to be a christian school. Seeped in God. Overflowing with blessing. Exemplifying peace, joy, and love. I didn't expect perfection, or even a small piece of heaven. But I did expect people who strive to be Christ like.
But God did not fail me. I think it was a lesson in humility. I can't do it on my own. I always try to do it. By myself. Beat the world. Conquer the impossible.
Today was so much better. If each successive day were to increase exponentially the way that today increased from yesterday then I am convinced that by Friday I would be in such a state of euphoria that wild horses couldn't drag me from it. However, I think that it'll plateau at some point.
God works despite all of my weaknesses, through them even. And I am thinking that it is not going to be the horror that I anticipated. I am theorizing that love comes softly, for me at least. I can only be swept off my feet after a sufficient amount of time has been invested. It's all a part of my oxymoronical self. Love is choice. Daily. And I am choosing to fall in love. I hope it all works out. I don't like having a broken heart.
posted by Trisha @ 8:59 PM
