Shaken
I have been quite surprised by myself as of late.First, I was jealous. Next came the daydreaming and general distractability. I was seeing things, or dreaming it up. Then came the opportunity to clarify my feelings/emotions/thoughts and did I have the sense enough to lie......nooooooo. I had to tell the truth. I had to say what I was feeling. I had to spell out my confusion. It was altogether too much honesty.
And then I saw him for real. It wasn't a dream. He parked his car across the street. It took me a full minute to assure myself that I wasn't making this up. It was him. He was close. I couldn't stop smiling. He didn't see me. I am sure that it was all for the best. My friends kept asking me why I was staring out the window, "and what's up with that goofy grin?" I wrote him a note. Just to say "hey" or maybe to convince him that I am stalking him. :P I finished with my friends, said my goodbyes, and ran across the street to plant the evidence of my stalker-ish-ness. I couldn't stop shaking.
I was afraid I would see him.
I was afraid I wouldn't see him.
I was afraid he wouldn't read the note.
I was afraid he would read the note.
I was afraid he would see me.
I was afraid he wouldn't see me.
I was afraid he wouldn't get the message.
I was afraid he would get the message.
I was afraid of what I was doing.
I was afraid of what I wasn't doing.
I was afraid of what I was saying.
I was afraid of what I wasn't saying.
I was afraid of what I was feeling.
I was afraid of what I wasn't feeling.
I was afraid he wouldn't see my heart.
I was afraid he would see my heart.
I was shaken. I was smiling. I haven't seen him since I opened my eyes.
posted by Trisha @ 4:11 PM
