the waiting
i kill time on the computer while i am in the waitingwaiting for the answers, waiting for the questions
waiting to listen, waiting to talk
waiting to know
my computer is slow, or maybe its the waiting
but right before this computer delivers an e-mail, loads a page, or accepts an IM it rattles and audibly "thinks" giving me time to wonder while i wait
what will it be?
the clues seem to kill me in this waiting...i am sure that they were meant for good but really they just cause the moments to linger, seconds last for hours here
i check the clock and repeatedly assure myself that it still works, seconds are simply longer when you watch, longer when you wait, longer with questions
more rattling, more "thinking"
could it be time?
no. and.... the waiting resumes
i scroll down the endless pages
second after second after second
mile after mile after mile
my thoughts run around the world only to return and find me waiting still for the second hand to move
time must be broken here in the waiting
i kill time on the computer while i am in the waiting
waiting for the answers, waiting for the questions
waiting to listen, waiting to talk
waiting to know
i kill it slowly and painfully with premeditated intent
the goal is to torture time the way that time has tortured me
quietly, silently, creeping back behind
unnoticed, unseen
ready to pounce on the prey
my hands shake, my breathing evens
ready to kill
once for all
only to discover
that time is already dead and here i am waiting for the second hand to move
stranded forever in the waiting
posted by Trisha @ 3:26 PM
