Living alone
I have recently mentioned to several people how much I am enjoying living alone for one of the very first times of my life...And people have responded pretty much the same way saying something about how I don't
really like it, I'm just scared of getting involved in relationships that could have the potential to cause pain...or some other remark that I consider to be equally
stupid. I
do like living alone. You learn a lot about yourself when you don't have anyone else to consider. For example, I learned that I only like to watch movies after the sun sets. I like to bake chocolate chip cookies, even if they don't taste very good. I enjoy every room in the apartment being clean and organized except my bedroom, I have all the time in the world right now and I still have no intention of cleaning my room any time soon because I enjoy having a spot that does not have to be perfect. I don't have to be OCD about everything. I like to do a lot of little things that I always complain about when I am busy, and most of the time I am busy because of the people that are in my life, now that everybody has taken a step in a new direction I have the time to be me and I like that. I am not concerned with anyone else. You are all probably going to be really offended after reading this blog, and that is in no way my intent, I just meant to say that
I do like where I am right now, whether you think that is in character for me or not. I like it a lot. Enough to want to do it for quite a while. I don't want to offend my friends, I just want you all to know that this is good for me. I would like to be able to express an opinion without people telling me that I am not really feeling that way...I know, I am being honest, even if it is not something that you would think or feel, don't worry, I am not hiding behind something, I am being true.
Everyone seems to think that I have no direction in my life, and that is simply not true. I may not be able or willing to tell you exactly where I am headed but I have a pretty good idea, I just like to take it one step at a time, and I don't feel like sharing every thought that I am considering. I have a driving need to withhold information. I know, I know, I am the first one to accuse someone of lying for withholding but I need my secrets, I need them to retreat to. It is the way that I deal.
When I shared that I enjoy living alone I was not
covering some deep hurt, or relationship-phobia. Actually the opposite is true, I was not withholding, I was
sharing a deeper (darker?) side. The side that is not the popular social butterfly. The side that I have most recently become comfortable with.
A job offer
Cornerstone has offered me the teaching position...they asked me to pray about it for a few days. I intend to complete the interview process with
Sycamore Community Unit School District prior to making a decision. I think that I would be better suited for the Sycamore job. But I am not going to turn my nose up at this position, if I don't get the public school position I will take the job at Sycamore, I am sure that there is a lot for me to learn there.
I am beginning to remember or maybe learn for the first time just what it is that I want. It is all starting to come into focus. I am not entirely certain that I know how to go about getting that which I want but I am almost certain that I know what I am shooting for, which is more than I could say a few weeks ago. It is a gradual process and I am ok with that. God understands that I hate change. But I know that I need it.
Teaching at Cornerstone
Yesterday I went in for the "teaching portion" of my interview at
Cornerstone Christian Academy. They had called me on Tuesday at 3pm to ask me to come and pick up the lesson plan that they wanted to watch me teach at 10am on Wednesday. It seemed rather short notice to me considering that I had just turned in my resume and application on Monday...but this is the last week of school so if they wanted to see me teach it was now or never I guess.
Tom and Lauren are spending a few days with me and they graciously brought the newly released Lord of the Rings: Return of the King DVD.
So of course I stayed up to watch that. By the time that I finished the details on my lesson plan it was 4am...I had three hours to sleep before I needed to get up and get ready for the day.
The lesson seemed to go well. They wanted me to have the students complete worksheets so I was as creative as I could be with that. I had some really great classroom management beginnings (thanks Mrs. Nak!) and the kids were amazingly good.
The administration seemed
rather impressed...which was good but also kind of disappointing. I wish that they had had a little more critical feedback but all that I heard was "very good," "great job," and "amazing." Now while this is good in the light of my getting the position it made me less impressed with the school. Obviously they do not hold their teachers up to the same high standards that they hold their students up to. Maybe they can prove me wrong on this one...I hope so. There was a rather lengthy interview after my lesson which they seemed to think went rather well, I have mixed emotions. We shall see. They said that they would call me at the end of the week. We shall see.
MEMO: to self...think
Ok, so I am kind of a moron. A dunderhead. A non intellectual. You see, I have been running to the library for a year in order to maintain my need for online communication. Turns out that all of that was unnecessary as I realized today that the school offers free online services to all students. Duh! So I pushed my computer over to the kitchen, plugged it into the wall and dialed up...So easy...So addicting. Actually it took a bit longer than anticipated, that is why I am posting on my blog at 4:25 am. Crazy. So now that I am no longer a student at the university they are finally providing me with a service that I feel to be worth while. Oh, well. At least I figured it out now as opposed to never getting it...right?
Sunburn
So I Sunday I had the really great idea that I should do some reading outside in the beautiful sunshine....It was a great idea. So I put on my swimming suit, shorts, sunblock, sunglasses, grabbed a water bottle, a blanket and a book that I am currently reading and headed out to the pool area. It was a great time, nice warm sunshine accompanied by a beautiful breeze that kept you from getting all hot ant sticky. I was loving it. It was so comfortable that I even fell asleep. And therein lies the problem. I slept in that beautiful sunshine for about three hours and scorched my skin...Ouch. I look like a lobster back...But the sunshine was worth it. I would do it again (and I probably will).
This is the fastest blog ever as the lab attendants breath down my neck. Time to go.
Homestar Runner
Katy and I are up way too late watching
Homestar Runner. Now I don't know if this will be all that funny to normal people, or people that are not tired, or just people that are not us. But we are laughing pretty hard right now and I thought that I should share.
I Pass
So, NIU finally decided to post the semester grades, as it turns out...I passed. Two A's and two B's...how typical. I cannot believe that I only took four classes this semester, what a joke...at least I was working for most of that time (lame excuse). Anyway, looks like my undergraduate GPA is finally set in stone...nothing too impressive let me tell you. I am just glad that I passed.
I had the strangest dream last night, and if you know me at all you know that that is
quite a statement. I could write an entire book about it because it is so very fascinating to me and yet I think that I am the only one that would benefit from the retelling and I would be far too embarrassed to actually let other people read it...it was just too personal, too real, too believable...which is exactly why it would make an excellent book but also exactly why I will never allow it to be read. I need to learn to write fiction. Shouldn't be too hard, I nearly live fiction some days. But honestly, I need to learn how to let these things, like dreams, inspire something that I could write. I have the stories to tell I just do not know how to tell them without barring my soul, my mind and my heart to the entire populace. Maybe that is arrogance. Pride. Selfish. I hoard these fascinating stories all to myself. Guarding them. Taunting others by telling that they exist but refusing to share. Or maybe I am just scared that no one will like them, these stories that I love.
I tried to check out some books from the library on campus yesterday but since I have graduated it was quite a procedure...turns out they wanted me to fill out reams of paperwork *mock horror* "Not Northern!?!" Yep. I should have guessed that they could make every little thing into a process that takes two weeks...actually my "charm" paid off again and I walked out with my books, ha ha! Victory. SO I am currently reading
The Last of the Menu Girls. It is interesting. A little hard to follow in some ways...or I should say, hard to relate to. But interesting.
I shall give you a full report when I am finished.
I Figured It Out
Pat pat pat (that is me patting myself on the back for figuring out the stupid title thing!) So it is not everything that I dreamed that it would be...but for now it works.
*contented sigh*
.
I love getting it right.
Keep the Title
Alright, so I have momentarily given up on getting my new html to possibly even consider incorporating the title that I ever so faithfully continue to type above each and every post in hopes of someday figuring out my own stupidity and finally getting this new page to
flow... *sigh* That is a long and hard to follow sentence. Please, bear with me.
Well, I am officially Alumni of
Northern Illinois University! Whew. The graduation was actually more bearable than I had anticipated, but it was still kind of hectic because my family was involved...hehehehe :-D
Basically I feel very suddenly full of options...which is a good thing in my mind. I have no college debt to speak of. No reasons to stay. No reasons to go. I feel entirely free to choose pretty much anything. I like options. I just need some inspiration or something. I know that I am not going to up and do some radically new idea to me...That's just not my style. However, my head swims with dreams, random thoughts actually, that
could be incorporated into the very near future and right now I am quite content to just sift through all of these options, letting them slip through my fingers like warm, white sand.
I am in no hurry.
But
I am excited to start taking these next few steps.
I am ready...for today.
If You Want to Marry Your Best Friend
Recently I was talking with a friend about the turmoil of dating. My advice was, and still is, that in order for dating to be less traumatic, one must date on a semi-regular basis. I was interrupted by my friend saying, "Trisha, it shouldn't be this hard, I don't want some ideal or perfection, *sigh* all I want is to marry my best friend." And for those of you who may feel the same way, I thought that maybe I should share the following
phenomenal advice with you also.
If you want to marry your best friend there is only one thing that you have to do. Develop meaningful friendships with people of the gender that you desire to marry. It
is not that complicated.
Why is it that most people that I know have developed a keen sense of dating-phobia? People, it is not hard! But instead of strumming guitars in your lonely dorm rooms, go out! Hang out at public places where there is
actually the
potential to run into someone that you may or may not already know. Then, make yourself approachable. Don't hide behind books, newspapers, or magazines. Strike up conversations with people, "Would you recommend that CD/Artist/book/product/etc/etc/etc?" Talk to the people that serve you, this usually gets other people in line involved in a conversation. Smile: sincerely, honestly, frequently. Make eye contact. This is how you meet people.
Then be a friend. Listen when they talk. Share your interests with them. Experience
their interests. Build experiences together. It doesn't have to be costly, time consuming, or impressive as long as you are both willing participants. For example I have bonded with some of my closest friend in some of the most bizarre situations...At baseball games, where I knew nothing about the team, nothing about the sport, in fact neither of us even watched the game, but we were both there and we clicked....Over the assembling of cheap Wal*Mart furniture, we couldn't read/follow the directions, but we managed to bond while holding pieces of fabricated plywood together....In the middle of a boycott camp in Georgia, where we were being eaten alive by mosquitoes, working hard building a house, on our spring break no less....On a factory line....In Menards...In hospital rooms in Florida...On airplanes to Kansas....In line to donate blood....Through letters....Through phone calls....Through time.
I'm not saying that it is easy to find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. But I am saying that if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you can't expect to recognize that person as "the
ONE" the instant that you meet them. Especially if you are one of the many who insists that you want to marry your best friend....Then you have to
have a best friend....You have to
be a best friend...And the only way to develop those types of strong, lasting friendships is to get out of your drums, apartments, parents' houses, and be visible, be friendly, be warm, be active. And if you don't find the spouse of your dreams tomorrow, next week or next year...At least you will have built friendships that are worth savoring.
A Bit of Nostalgia
Ok. So, quite randomly, while I was completing my final I suddenly remembered my very favorite cartoons from my childhood. Now it has taken me positively forever to find this stuff online because I could not remember the title. I searched and I searched and then I finally stumbled across a memory of the theme song in my head...SuperBook. Oh, I
loved that cartoon. I am quite positive that I was obsessed with it. I especially loved the animation as it was not as popular in the early 80's as it is now.
You may click on the above image to watch a short video clip from my all-time favorite episode.
Whew. Let me tell you, I feel better after finding this small piece of the past. I was begining to worry that it was lost forever... Enjoy!
Winding Down
I am taking a brief break from the reading that I am trying to get done before tomorrow's finals...that and a break from the online job search, which is just sheer craziness personified. It is good to have the semester coming to a close. I am no longer terrified of the prospect, and I mean it. Today I woke up and I
believed what everyone had been telling me... it is all going to be ok. I will miss school, attending classes, studying, even this cramming before finals. Because I have been good at it. I will miss being good at something. But I will learn to be good at other things (hopefully teaching :-P ). Anyhow, as the semester, the school year, and my college education all come to a close, I am
ready. I will graduate on Saturday without regrets. I will graduate on Saturday with peace.
The Winning
I wrote a play. It was an interesting and grueling experience. Mostly because all plays (all writing for that matter) seems to be so autobiographical for me. But I wanted my play to be good.
The assignment was to write a 3-page play for my Introduction to Theatre class. My professor said something to the effect of, "I am not asking you to write a
good play. I am just asking that you write one. It would be impossible for all of you to write
good plays because so few people throughout the ages have done that." And that was when I decided that I wanted this play to be
good, very good, even if it
was autobiographical. I would have to do something to make it stand out. I got a 100% on the assignment, but I was not really that impressed. There are too many bad plays that were submitted for me to take pride in the fact that I received all of the available points for an "intro" class. So I submitted my play to an independent jury that would select one play from all of the Theatre classes to be given
"The Three-Minute Marvel Award." And of the 517 some plays that were submitted...I won.
Writing is such a very personal thing to me. It means so much. I would not, of course, have been crushed had my play
not been chosen. But it meant so much to me that
it was! I was so excited, I could not wait to get home to tell everyone the good news. I have fairly burst with pride over the whole thing and for that I am slightly apologetic. I am so sorry to everyone who has had to endure the telling and the retelling of the winning. But the excitement is not because I won, but because they liked it. Some anonymous jury somewhere read a play that was
me, and they chose it. From all of the others they chose me. And I love them for it.
